Battling the “Single Mum Stigma”

The day I found out I was pregnant On 10th May 2013, I was shocked. It was my Nan’s birthday and I told myself I was not going to cause her the shock, however at 19 years old keeping this shit to yourself and my at the time boyfriend was pretty damn difficult. I think i took around 4 tests, before i was finally convinced that, yup, there was definately a mini me on the way! What caused more shock (I’ve spoken about this before) was the fact that just 4 months before I’d had my thyroid removed, and hadn’t actually had a monthly cycle since! Going back a few weeks before, (at the time I was working in a nursery), my grandad had collected me from work and I remember he had to stop on the way home whilst I threw my guts up at a BP garage! His reaction was more what I was scared of.

So yup, I dug deep and told my mum and nan (Obviously my best friend knew at this time as well - I mean who doesn’t tell their best mate first?) and to be honest, they were both relatively ok about it. I’d been with Ollys dad for just under 5 years at this time - what could go wrong right? Then I told my nan she could break the news to my grandad (whilst I was at work and well out of the way!), the girls at my work were so supportive throughout this time and every day I spent obsessing over my bump, and chatting about anything and everything baby! Months went by, we had so many trips to the consultant due to the risk my thyroid condition put us at. And on 21st January 2014, at 4.07pm little Olly-Rae was born weighing 6lb 11oz after a hefty 27 hours in labour, an induction, and finally an emergancy csection. (Followed by another 2 weeks in hospital due to complications and Septicaemia.

Anyway, fast forward 7 months (now 20 year old Jessica) we had brought our first house, I’d battled PTSD and PND, and was feeling better. Sadly, me and Ollys dad split. At the time, I think like everyone who goes through this sort of thing, it was difficult, having a tiny baby reliant upon you, working full time and having no emotional support from a partner was difficult but like us women do - I soldiered through.

It felt like the worst thing at the time, but actually it turned into the best thing that could’ve happened. I’m a strong believer that everything does happen for a reason, and this definately was the case.

There were some real lows, but on the flip side it meant I was able to throw myself into the depths of parenthood and make all decisions, and building such a close bond with this little human.

When Olly was around 7/8 months old, I decided that the life I was providing him, for us - was only scratching the surface. Although I felt happy, I didn’t see our future getting any brighter stuck in the same routine. That’s when I joined the Open University. My every day routine, then meant amongst working, I was coming home, and spending time studying. (I remember Olly in his bouncer - me one leg bouncing him, and the other resting my laptop) and it stayed like that for many months.

I was grateful that at this time, working in a nursery meant I could maintain that closeness as he attended the same nursery.

Being a mum, is single handedly the hardest thing I have had to endure but equally the most rewarding and proud.

And this was the time, I decided... Our life had only just began and it was up to me, and me only to create a life we could grow and cherish together.