The "Stress Container Model" - and how to manage stress

Firstly, I'd like to start this blog post by saying a HUGE thank you for all of the messages that I received in reaction to my Ectopic post. I was inundated with them, and it filled my heart knowing that it all touched you in some way as well as raising awareness of such an important subject.

This week, I did a poll on Instagram and this was something which was heavily asked for in response to this. I think with the current situation we're all sharing that feeling of becoming overwhelmed, tired and greatly 'bogged down' with the shit that seems to keep slapping us all in the face! The Stress container model, is something which I actually learned on my Mental Health First Aider for England training, and it's absolutely brilliant! I use this in my job role probably 3-4 times a week, and it's just such a great way of visualising your stress and emotion in a different way and allowing your brain to access reasoning for ways of dealing with this. (Psychologically/Scientifically allowing your frontal cortex to think logically and take over that hypothalamus which is pumping you with the awful stress feelings)

First off, I want to explain what STRESS is. I'm pretty sure we all hear ourselves saying "I'm so stressed" a few times a week, or if you're like me, sometimes every day (whoops!). Stress is defined as your body's natural reaction when you feel threatened, under pressure or overwhelmed; it can be both positive (allowing you to meet deadlines, feel organised or manage your time), but equally it carries negative connotations when stress begins to become an issue. Scientifically, when you become over-stressed, this triggers a biological response - you guessed it, your hormones once again begin raging through your body, and that's again where we feel the 'fight or flight' (either panic and run away - try to forger all your worries, or fight - you meet that deadline, you deal with the issues head on).

Stress becomes a problem when it suddenly affects your well-being negatively, for example if you find yourself overtly worrying about something over and over, and you feel this overwhelming sense of stress it then has the opportunity to affect all else.

For example, your ability to function, memory, self-care, relationships (yes, we all become pretty aggy don't we), even down to your eating and sleeping. So what can we do to help minimise the negative impacts of stress? The answer is actually pretty simple. Being aware of your body, your mind, as I have said in previous blogs, the simple skill of acknowledging your stress can make all the difference. This is where the "stress container" comes into it...

You can imagine this 'container' however you like, but a good place to start is exploring how much stress you feel you can normally tolerate without blowing up entirely. I visualise mine as a vase, I can tolerate a fair bit, but I know I get excessively stressed quite quickly. Yours for instance could be a pool, a bath, bucket, mug, whatever you please. The size of this container also represents how vulnerable you are to stress, remember to think about all areas of your life; for instance, work, home life, life experiences, relationships, study commitments and more. If you are quite vulnerable (i.e you have many stressors and become easily overwhelmed, you will have a smaller container - this will 'overflow' more quickly than perhaps someone who can tolerate more). (At this point, your probably thinking 'what the fuck', but believe me, you'll think of this going forward - especially when perhaps, Margaret is singing Christmas tunes yet again in the staff room and you're about to burst and tell her absolutely shite she is).

Stress then begins to flow into your container, the more stress you are under at that very moment the quicker your container fills up. These could be every day things like, the kids are late for school, your late for work, you forgot your diary, then you've got a bill coming out you can't cover, then you get home and realise you haven't done the food shopping, etc. etc. Could also mean deadlines at work, blah blah blah (you get the idea...) When your stress levels start to build up, it will slowly (or quickly) overflow. This is when you may notice any of the following (or all if your me): Tearful, Upset or angry, struggling to concentrate, memory issues, begin to smoke more, drink more (coffee or vodka), headaches or even sickness. These may vary but just try to think about what your signs are that your 'over-stressed'.

Next up, is the coping strategies. Looking at what we do to manage this usually? It could be drinking, it could mean overworking (staying those extra few hours at the office?), bottling things up, not eating, the list is endless. Our brain is programmed to instantly search for your own usual "go to" coping mechanism (regardless of how shit it is). Hence why habits become easily linked to 'stress'. The difference is, that helpful coping mechanisms act as a 'tap' for your container, they allow the stress to reduce and your level of tolerance to have room again - therefore, restoring normal brain function and not having your feel like shit forever.

A real positive way to start trying to 'tap in' to your stressors is to write them down as they happen, then visualise this.

Rather than getting to the breakdown stage, explore each one of them because it may be that actually they can wait, they don't need so much time thinking about, or actually, they're totally out of your control anyway. Another thing I like to do in the sessions I do, is ask people to explore their worries by looking at whether they are Fact or Fiction? In other words, say for instance you're worried that your friend may not like what you've brought them for Christmas and so you're worrying like mad, trying to find something else, perhaps you don't have the time to go to the city centre, or actually you've already spent enough. Ask yourself, is this a fact or a fiction worry? (Fact - I know for definite that this is going to happen VS. Fiction - It may happen, but it may not). When you start doing this, you'll realise that actually A LOT of what you worry about is fiction - nothing more than the stories your kids read. And it's as simple as that. Applying the stress container model and searching for positive outlets prior to overflowing is a Skill, but with practice you can apply it to every inch of your life.

Positive ways of managing stress:

- UNPLUGGING: get off your phone! Go outside, close your eyes and just shut off for a few minutes (even this reduces your stress enough!)

- PRIORITISE YOUR PRIORITY: If your priority in your life is your children, prioritise them. If your priority is your hair appointment, then so be it! Prioritise what makes you FEEL GOOD, and not what the stressor is.

- LAUGH! Laughing is a proven stressor relief. Watch a stupid video, laugh with your friends. We often look at children and say "wow, i wish had no stress again" what are they always doing? LAUGHING! be a child again, switch off, and just crack a fucking smile!

- EXERCISE! Again proven to bring stress levels down!

- I'll add a few in here... Your HOBBY (whether that be baking, football, drawing - go and do it!! If you can't at that very second, then send a text to ya pals, and arrange it - even that is a step!)

- MUSIC, BATH, ANYTHING RELAXING!

- Journalling/Diary/Blogging/Interaction

Another thing which is always fab, is a SELF-CARE BOX. This is something personal to you, find a box, somewhere you can put all things which you can do to make yourself feel better if you're having a wobble (especially great with all these lockdowns going on). This may include, a face mask, a game, a book, chocolate, bath bombs, photographs of friends and family, special memorabilia... literally anything you want it too!

I've attached some photos of how to draw your 'stress container' and how to visualise it. Please give me some feedback of how you get on, and whether in being aware of this has now allowed you to be more aware of what's causing you stress and better equipped to dealing with it!

A link to an online version, is available on the MHFA England website (this is who I trained with) at https://mhfaengland.kokodigital.co.uk/frame_content.php It really will teach you a skill!